h.michelle's blog

snake omen

Posted by: hmichelle on: September 4, 2010

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before washing the dishes monday,

after missing my skype appt with the happy grunt,

after may moved in with us,

after may’s dad’s cremation,

after 3 days of funeral,

after lote died from alcoholic shock,

i saw something black flicker under the sink.

it was a snake. i kind of freaked out. i was not getting near that thing. what if it got scared and pulled a “rabbit of caerbannog” from monty python and jumped and latched on to my jugular?

i turned the other way and walked out to my neighbors sitting in front of the union store. ma jaew saw me and started talking to me about moto issues and maintenance (ps – i have a motorcycle!) and i calmly answered all the questions about oil change and changing the title, blah blah blah.

thank god, the conversation came to a break – “uh, what do you do if there’s a snake in your house?”

and immediately, the whole group was in our house, assessing the situation, finding objects to help trap the thing. i found a safe place far away on the stairs, cause you know what they say about “too many cooks…”

the hero of the night was gaye, the rotund, plate-sized-rose-quartz-glasses-wearing lady-night-guard. she scraped it into a box and then took it out to the dumpster. apparently, this snake is poisonous, a cobra-relative, and had TWO HEADS!!! that “tail” is actually another head.

according to thai belief, despite the fact that a snake is freaky(!!), a snake is a good omen. let’s hope so.

though, the other superstition i’ve heard is that if you dream about a snake, it means you’ll meet your significant other soon. hurry up and get here, t!

god on facebook. god at the dmv.

Posted by: hmichelle on: September 2, 2010

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god poked you. poke god back? throw a sheep at god?

L was a chinese teacher (from china) living in bkk. she broke up with her bf while here, was heartbroken and lonely. she met D who was her next door neighbor. he asked her to become his gf though he had already more than he could count (and the pics to prove it). she became (one of) his gf. she liked him. but she got hurt. and more hurt. she felt more lonely. she kept tabs on him via facebook.

L saw a picture D’s niece on FB and because she was so cute, became friends with D’s brother-in-law, G, in the us. G became a good frend; he encouraged her, cheered her up, told her about jesus.

G called me a month ago. could I become friends with L? we’re both chinese. we’re both in bkk. could i share the gospel with her?

I became friends with L on FB. nothing happened. i didn’t message her. she didn’t message me. life went on.

on a tuesday, I went to apply for a driver’s license at the dmv. I picked the furthest office away (1hr+) hoping to avoid long lines and strict test proctors. they stick all the foreigners in a separate room to watch the training video so I was with these two chinese girls. we chatted for two hours, them asking me about jobs, black people in america, etc. i failed the test because i wasn’t paying attention. but, one of the girls sounded familiar. after i finished failing, i asked her name. L.

wait. no. it couldn’t be the same. i asked if she knew G. she did. really? we were the ones taht were supposed to meet each other? she was stunned, she said that G was always saying that he was praying for her, but she never believed anything would happen. wow, god can really answer prayers?

we met up a couple times and it was so obvious that god is doing something in her life. when we prayed with her, she felt an immediate lightness. she wants to know that god’s love is real. she was so excited about the chinese bible we got her.

L went back to china this week, just 2 wks after we met. god has weird timing. who knows what will happen. but, i’m sure god is on facebook, at the dmv, and in china.

it’s for your own good

Posted by: hmichelle on: August 25, 2010

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one thing i love about my dad is that every phone conversation i have with him, he’ll share what he’s recently learned in the bible. this past week, he was sharing with me his new insights into the purpose of the Law. he had always found the purpose of the Law confusing – was it for our benefit or to condemn us? he felt like he was seeing more of the ways that the Law was for our benefit and wanted to give me an illustration:

dad: it’s like how in our house we had rules and they were for the benefit of you kids.

me: dad, i can’t remember having any rules growing up. we didn’t even have a curfew.

dad: we had rules. you just don’t remember.

me: like what? name one.

dad: uh…don’t eat on the carpet.

me: how was that for our benefit?

while he was right in that was indeed a rule in our house, it in no way demonstrated his point.

and that was my new insight into the Law – while god’s law is meant for our life, my dad’s law was meant for the life of the carpet.

what to expect when you’re expecting

Posted by: hmichelle on: August 18, 2010

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i’ve heard that when you reach certain stages of your life, people feel that it is free reign to give unsolicited advice. like, you have a baby – perfect strangers will now give you advice on how to parent your child. whether you want it or not, it’s given.

i think dating is one of those stages where people love to give you advice. i’ve gotten to the point where i’m able to take some and leave others. for instance, i will not be taking the advice of a drunk guy to buy a dirndl to wear for my bf.

me: “where would i wear it?”

reiner: “you could wear it to a springfest.”

me: “thailand doesn’t really have those.”

reiner: “oh come on! they gotta have fessssttssss!”

me: “they’re kinda different. they’re like fests where they circle a temple.”

reiner: “whatever. you gotta get a dirndl.”

me: “i’m not getting a dirndl.”

reiner: “you gotta get a dirndl.”

i’ll spare you the rather lengthy, repetitive rest of the conversation and let you know that it ended with me not getting a dirndl.

but, i get it. i get why people want to give advice. for those stages of life where you’re trying to figure things out, make major decisions, encountering things you haven’t before, you learn from your experiences and want to share those pearls of wisdom you’ve acquired and spare others the grisly drama.

i was talking to a friend who’s been married for over 20 years and she was sharing with me what she’s learned from her marriage: don’t let expectancy become expectations. know that everything you receive from your significant other is a gift. it’s when you start expecting things of your bf that you start on disappointment, on entitlement, on bitterness.

i think she’s totally right.

i’m actually way happier in dating t when i don’t expect him to be a certain way or do a certain thing. i can take it as a gift rather than depreciate the gift into a duty. i hope i can extend more freedom and love than i extend conditions or assumptions.

and i think it’s not just applicable to dating. i’ve realized that in my life here in bangkok, in all my friendships and relationships, the same attitude affects just as much. when i view my calling as a gift, i can appreciate the beauty and the fit. when i view my calling as a duty, i feel drained and i wait for when it will be “my turn.” in one view, i’m receiving something especially for me to enjoy, in another, i’m empty-handed and holding out until my wishlist gets checked off.

maybe every day can be like christmas.

the meaning of sacrifice.

Posted by: hmichelle on: August 16, 2010

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i just want to set the record straight. people ask me all the time how i can sacrifice so much to be a missionary in thailand.

well, it’s probably because i’m a better person than you.

i just give and give and give and never receive anything. my whole life here is one giant sacrifice where i don’t experience anything enjoyable save for the grace of god. i just chalk it all up to the tons of heaven-bucks i’ll cash in when i die.

i mean, take for instance the place i had to go to last week.

it was so hard to be in an environment like this. i was really suffering. but it’s ok. i just spent my time enduring by meditating on how many heaven-bucks this will earn me. a real sacrifice.

and look what i had to eat! missionaries are always having to eat really disgusting things like ice cream. can you believe it came out of a cow?!?! nasty! two of the teenagers split a 9-scoop “earthquake” while i had to choke down my own sundae. again, i endured by reflecting on jesus’ glory.

but, i think the biggest sacrifice is all the persecution i have to bear. especially with children. this was virtually a riot i had to live through. kids running around, playing – and the whole time laughing! i mean, look at those diabolical smiles! they’re always yelling, “p’ michelle! look at me!” or “p’ michelle, let’s play a game!” or even “p’ michelle! can i help you clean?” i think i now understand what paul was talking about when he was talking about the “thorn in his flesh.”

i’m so glad god has called me to a place that is so hard to live in and to people that are so hard to love because i know that only the righteous can do this type of work and actually find joy in it. may god help me persevere!

"i err, therefore i am."

Posted by: hmichelle on: August 2, 2010

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i just read an article reviewing kathryn schulz’s new book “being wrong: adventures in the margin of error.”

dr. fred borst, the reviewer, writes:

“Twelve hundred years before Rene’ Descartes penned his famous ‘I think, therefore I am,’ the philosopher and theologian (and eventual saint) Augustine wrote ‘fallor ergo sum.’”This pun-addicted reviewer only wishes that Schulz had deliberately mis-attributed Augustine’s quotation to a fictional contemporary named Deshorses. Then she could be accused of the error of putting Descartes before Deshorses in that sentence.

clever.

schulz argues that error and mistake are what makes us interesting, what inspires imagination, problem-solving, makes for good story, makes us human. it makes sense: at what point does transformation and growth happen?

to this, i eagerly say, “of course!” but when it comes down to it, who likes being wrong or failing? honestly, i feel hounded by the fear of messing up. i have this fear in the back of my mind that says, “you take one misstep and you’ll screw it up irrevocably!” and my frontal lobe retorts, “nonsense! failure isn’t the end of the world.”

it’s not like augustine’s the first one to think of error in this light. paul wrote, “therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that christ’s power may rest on me. that is why, for christ’s sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. for when i am weak, then i am strong.”

at least paul’s fighting for team-frontal-lobe.

in this season, i feel challenged to fail. to show that i’m not perfect. to make mistakes. to be late. to not know what to do next. to need sleep. to need to take antibiotics. to let myself get annoyed and have emotions. to take breaks. to disappoint. to need love. perhaps god’s greatest gift to me right now the acceptance of my own weakness/smallness/humanity and to even *gasp* delight in it? the more messy i am, the more “me” i am and the more god shows that he’s god.

maybe i can be happy about that.

the last week in pictures

Posted by: hmichelle on: July 29, 2010

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nothing like drinking an ice cold soda from a bag.

da’s wedding. how sad that it poured on her wedding day. blast you, rainy season!

the trash ghost from our skit on global warming. conserve! save! recycle!

walking through the store, i saw this.

is this weird? since i never look at cat food in the states, do they also have hairball management friskies?

nut!

Posted by: hmichelle on: July 25, 2010

In: language | thai culture
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one of my thai friends, kaew, plays badminton every tuesday with some farangs and she asked me, “whenever this one guy loses a point, why does he always says, ‘nut!’?”

me: “oh yeah, ‘nuts!’ americans say that sometimes when they mess up: ‘nuts!’ or ‘aw, nuts!’”

kaew: “what does a nut have to do with anything?”

me: “oh. i don’t know.”

kaew: “nutsch.”

presenting…

Posted by: hmichelle on: July 23, 2010

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dr. phil kao!

boo ya! cause i got me a smart bruva!

congrats on your successful Ph.D-fense (woot woot!) on “mechanical behavior of arteries blah blah decoupled anisotropy blah blah blah pulmonary hypertension.”

(i kid you not; actual title.)

this is phil’s too-cool-for-school indie PhD album cover.

my way or the thai-way: ep.2.

Posted by: hmichelle on: July 22, 2010

In: thai culture | thai-way
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i always thought americans were into hair removal. aside from the traditional shaving and waxing, there are always all these hair removal fads. ever tried the “epilady?” it’s a hand-held machine of terror that uses twisting wires to rip off hairs in mass destruction. or the “hair-off mitten?” i had a friend who bought this brilliantly named device off an infomercial to find that it was just a sandpaper sleeve you slip over your hand to sand off hairs. boy, were we disappointed. boy, were we even more disappointed after we sanded off our hairs and then applied lotion (as recommended) to find ourselves experiencing the feeling of burning acid being poured down our legs. gotta love the american free market.

thais also love hair removal, though they have less (both hair and devices). thailand loves plucking. men don’t shave, they pluck all their mustache and beard hairs (which i think some cultures consider methods of torture, do they not?). and this thai-way, i love and concede to wholeheartedly: people plucking each others’ armpit hairs.

when i first heard that thais did it, i was like, “whuck? shut up.”

first, plucking armpit hairs sounds like it takes forever. second, plucking someone else’s armpit hairs sounds weird. and third, someone plucking your armpit hairs sounds even more uncomfortable, their face all up in your ticklish, odor-HQ. but thai people are always struck that americans think it’s strange. “what’s weird about plucking armpit hair? what’s weird about plucking someone else’s armpits? it’s easier if someone else does it for you.” (unspoken but implied message: “you farangs are all mixed up.”)

well, i’ve tried it and i’m a believer. i love it. now that i have thai roommates, i wanted to get in on the action and participate regularly. the only part that makes me feel bad is that i feel like it looks real weird. i.e. colonialist. i.e. i recline on a chair with my hands behind my head, while my two thai roommates kneel on the floor beside me and tweeze away. i’m one step away from giving them scarlet fever and making them refer to me as “madam.”

at least i’ll have a hair-free-armpit colony.

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